from the ashes of broken themes and dreams
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: A rising idol makes a promise with a little boy.


**Fandom: Gravitation  
Title: from the ashes of broken themes and dreams  
Pairing: Ryuichi + Tatsuha  
Description: A rising idol makes a promise with a little boy.**

**Disclaimer: Murakami Maki-sama is the author of this awesome series. Here is product of my love for this title. And ****"****Simply being loved****"**** by BT is where the lyrics were from.  
**  
"So little time the pace has changed  
But I'm still waiting  
A thousand years of timeless days  
Somnambulating  
I'm stumbling wounded in the dark.

Simply being loved  
Is more than enough."

**from the ashes of broken themes and dreams.  
By miyamoto yui  
**  
What is it that we're looking for in the world? What is it that we're aiming for? When I reach towards the sky with my hands, I'm nothing more than a speck in the universe. Am I selfish when I say that I want everything?

I'm only starting towards the path of my goal, but it's become too much. I want too much, but I can't help but reach out for it.  
Dream big. It's a dream that's too large for me sometimes.

With so little that can make anyone happy, why do we focus on what we don't have instead of what we do? As I put my hands inside my jean pockets, I see that the people around me are talking on cell phones. They're talking to friends or holding hands with their significant other. There are children running with balloons on strings as I continue to quietly pass through with my mp3 player repeating my songs over and over.  
I look up to the sky but my eyes are not seeing anything at all.  
I pull on my cap to cover my face so that no one recognizes me. There are times that I want to be noticed so I sing when I'm walking on the street and there are times when I want to be completely alone so that I can be absorbed by my own thoughts.

As I pass the trees and the pavement covered with cement, I stop to see the road before me. It's a familiar road even though there are always different people. I wonder if there is anything that wants to stay the same. In fact, maybe it's sad that there are people who want to stay the same.

I was one of them once. I used to be scared of change. It meant that I had to get out of my comfort zone and readjust to something new.

Why couldn't things stay the same? I liked myself, didn't I?

I clench my hands and then I let them go loose again. I act as if I'm shivering but I feel cold from within.  
The chill is spreading all over my body. I wonder when it will penetrate into my heart. I am terrified of the day that I won't have anything left.

My feet walk faster.

This is a familiar scene but I always try to find something worth smiling about. Other people would be sick of the same scene, but I am not. I know I only have one chance to absorb all that I can.

And so I take it.

I laugh as a two small kids run on both sides of me, almost brushing past my legs. They laugh and giggle.  
One little boy is so absorbed with pulling on the yellow hood of his raincoat that he bumps into me. I pick up his arms so that he stands straight up.  
"Sumimasen!" he apologizes.  
I take out three lollipops from my pocket. You never know when you'll need candy. I hand them over to him. "Don't worry about it. Give the other two to your friends, all right?"  
He blinks at me as if he shouldn't take it. I'm a stranger after all.  
But when his eyes blink at me, I see something that resembles me within them. He grins widely as he tugs on my jacket sleeve. I squat down as he kisses my cheek. I blush from such a sweet gesture that I wave at him while grinning foolishly.  
His friends wave excitedly and shout, "Arigatou, Ni-chan!"

They leave and I watch them as they walk away.

Yeah, I know it might rain again, but I never think of things like that. I turn around and shake my head while running my fingers through my hair. Then, I put my cap back on my head.

That kid reminded me of myself.

As I walk farther on, I see a dark-haired guy with a suit. He looks almost my age. He's looking out onto the river as it peacefully drifts under the bridge. He undoes his tie and takes off his glasses to put them on the grass beside him. He starts to play the guitar. He sings quietly to himself and even though I know I want to go over to him, I tell myself I shouldn't.  
Even though I stop to watch his profile, his eyes are closed as he feels the music with his fingers. He cannot sing very loudly, but you can feel the tension in his voice, calm and pandemonium existing at the same time.

I listen for one more stanza:

"If I could, I would have.  
If I can't get over it,  
Then he'll hate me.  
Be stronger, be stronger."

I nod my head with a smile as I walk on. I cross the bridge and glance at him once again. He is so absorbed by his playing that he doesn't notice the people that have started to crowd around him. It's amazing how people try to grab onto the passion that they think they don't possess.

As I'm coming onto another familiar street, I see a green-haired boy lugging his synthesizer with both of his hands. I know he loves this thing so much that he has to bring it everywhere. I grab onto the keychain in my pocket.  
He holds onto the strap of the bag as he seriously walks through the intersection. I want to say hi, but he has such a serious, concentrated face that I don't get to. There are too many people in the way.

Isn't that always the way?

As his body is lost through the shifting of the millions of people crossing, I am already on the other side of the street. He's always so diligent with his work, but sometimes, I wonder why doesn't he loosen up?

Not with his cousin, of course. While Fujisaki-kun thinks that his blond cousin hates him for making him work so hard, he doesn't know that Tohma loves him to death. To the point that the cheapskate always picks souvenirs wherever we go and pretends that he's an afterthought when he gives them to the boy.  
I don't ever say a word, but my concerned eyes say more than my mouth can ever explain.  
We always believe with our eyes and with what our hearts already know…

I smile to myself and shake my head. People are so complicated. It sometimes hurts my heart more than my mind to think about it.

When I'm approaching the recording studio, my stomach starts to grow uneasy. I have to be prepared that he's going to scream at me for being late. I took a longer walk than expected.

But as I'm crossing the automatic glass doors that will soon swallow me into its building, there's a little kid running towards me. He has a monk uniform on with an older boy with blond hair chasing after him. The blond's face is beyond annoyed.

The little boy clasps onto my pant leg and hides behind me. The people at the lobby look at us strangely, but soon resume going about their business. They should be used to this. After all, some know me already.

When I closely look at the blond, he huffs and puffs while placing his hands on his knees. "I'm so sorry, Ryuichi-san."

I remember now that he was visiting Tohma here in Tokyo…  
I don't know why, but in the back of my mind, even though I'm used to Eiri, I can't help but feel that this politeness will soon change. I push the thought away and look at him with an understanding nod.

Then, my eyes are drawn to the little boy whose eyes are staring straight up at me. He blinks at me. "You're very pretty."

"Tatsuha!" Eiri shouts with an embarrassed tone as he scolds Tatsuha. He sheepishly laughs at me while reaching towards the little boy. "My little brother is…stupid. He just says what's on his mind."

"You're the one who told me he was pretty! Tohma-san too!"  
Eiri's eyes try not to open wide in shock and anger as he eyes Tatsuha harshly. I cover my mouth trying to not smirk as Tatsuha holds onto my pant leg even tighter.

Eiri stops tugging his little brother's clothing. He sighs as he gets up and looks at me, while trying not to at the same time.

I look down at Tatsuha once more. He smiles at me while holding onto my jeans with his little fingers.  
Playfully, I tease, "Oh, is that what they said?"

Eiri puts his hand over his mouth now, debating on whether or not he wants to leave and give up all together.

Tatsuha innocently nods at me.  
"Do you know my name, Tatsuha-kun?"

"Yes. It's Ryuichi-san." He holds onto my pant leg even tighter.  
"That's right," I say as I kneel down and he lets go. I turn to Eiri. "Can you please tell, Tohma-san that I'll be right there? And I'll bring your little brother with me when I finish talking to him."

"Okay."  
Eiri pouts as he looks at Tatsuha with a look that says, "You better be good." Then, he turns around to leave.

When he's inside the elevator, I'm already looking at Tatsuha. "Tatsuha-kun, do you like music?"  
"Yeah~!"  
"What kind of music do you like?"  
"The kind Tohma-san makes."  
I laugh. "Oh, okay."  
"But why were you running away from your brother?"  
"Because he told me I had to take care of the temple when I grow up."  
"Is that bad?" I tilt my head as I push his hair away from his face.  
He pouts at me while swinging from side to side. He looks like he's going to cry.

"I don't want to be that. I told him I wanted to be something else."  
"Well, what is it you want to be?"  
"I don't know yet, but he told me like I can't choose anything else. That's why I got mad and ran away."  
"Ohh…I understand." I place my hand on the back of his head. I pull him close as we touch forehead to forehead. We both close our eyes. "It's all right. You don't have to listen to whatever anyone says, even if it's your brother."

After a minute, I let go of him and pat his head. With a smile, I ask, "Can I tell you something?"

The sun shines through the windows. There are people passing by us, but I feel like we are caught in an eternity only meant for us.

"Yes, Ryuichi-san?"  
"I think you're beautiful too." At that moment, I kiss his forehead and take out my lucky keychain. It  
is a small, soft light-brown bear I call Kumagorou. "I'm going to give you this. It's what I take everywhere with me whenever I feel scared. I don't need it anymore, so I'll give it you. Hold out your hands."  
He holds his palms out to me and smiles as I place the keychain into his open hands. "Why don't you need it anymore? Are you sure you want to give this to me?"

I don't know why I'm giving it to you. I just feel like I should.

"It's been with me since I was little. I would tell my wishes to it. Sometimes, it listens and sometimes it gives me new ones that I didn't think about." I smile widely with a light heart. I never thought I'd tell someone about that. "Take good care of it, okay?"  
"Mm-hm~!" He nods at me.

I can't help but smile so much.

"Do you like it?"  
"Yes, but I like pink bunnies better. Don't know why. I like to draw them though."

I shake my head. God, you're so cute.

"Thank you~!" he says as he looks at it carefully. He then places it into his pocket and hands me his hand so that we can walk together towards the elevator.

When we're on the elevator, he looks at me as I look down at him. "Promise me you'll give it back to me when you're done with it someday. Okay?"

"Promise!" he loudly tells me and the elevator's doors open.

Tohma scolds me as I hug him and pout while shaking my head. "Tohma~! I'm sorry already!"  
He sighs at me and we resume recording our album. Well, after Nuri goes ahead and twists my ear.  
Tatsuha puts his hands over his mouth as he laughs at us. Eiri looks elsewhere. Obviously, he's still embarrassed from what Tatsuha said. Tohma glances at him and smirks for a brief second. I make a mental note of this.

I hold onto the microphone while singing and one hand out while looking at Tatsuha through the glass windows. Since I'm a little kid too, we make faces at one another as I sing.

I pretend that I'm singing to only him. We flirt and play like only little children do.

And before I know it, it's all over. It's been the most fun recording session I've ever had and it's all over. When I take off my earphones, everyone is fixing up to leave.

Nuri hugs everyone and rushes out. Tohma gets his bags while Eiri and Tatsuha fix up their belongings too. When I look at them, I strangely want to shout, "Please stay with me. Don't go yet!"

My energy is leaving me again. Like a lost child, I don't want to be left behind or abandoned once again. I don't want to be alone right now. Not after all that fun.

Of course, things like this don't last forever.

Tatsuha runs over to me and waves at me. "That was fun, Ryuichi-san! You sing real good!"  
"Thank you," I humbly reply while blinking my eyes slowly. I grin widely.

At that moment, Tatsuha pulls on my sleeve and I kneel so that we're looking at one another eye-to-eye. He takes my cheeks with his warm hands and leans forward to kiss me. I kneel there frozen in my place. I don't know how to feel. I'm so surprised and shocked that my mouth remains closed.

Tohma clears his throat. Eiri shouts his brother's name and scolds him immediately.

"I heard that you're supposed to kiss people you like. I like you, Ryuichi-san."

When my eyes become dry, I start to blink. My arms fall to each side, which were positioned to hug him, expecting it to be just that.

"Someone has a crush~" Tohma says aloud with a smirk in his tone. Is my part-time lover jealous?

I just nod my head at Tatsuha and pat his head. Touched in a weird way, I exaggerate our secret while looking at Eiri and Tohma. I cup my hand over my lips and Tatsuha's ear. "When you grow up, I hope you remember our promise."  
Tatsuha nods as I seriously look at him, disillusioned, touched, and confused all at the same time.

Then, they left. I never saw Tatsuha again. And when Eiri came back from New York, he was a different person.

People change. They always do. But, foolishly, I wondered if Tatsuha would remember such a stupid, insignificant thing like that?  
**  
*/*/*/*/*/**

Years later, I saw all those people I passed by on that long walk I took around the city. I met the boy with the wide eyes who kissed me on the cheek. I worked with glasses boy.

And after everything that happened in Japan with Bad Luck and Nittle Grapser, I went back to the States to pursue my acting career. I looked up to the dark sky and shook my head.

I had so many dreams and they all changed. And though I'm happy with all of them, why can't one that I originally planned for come true?

When I come back to Los Angeles, I open my apartment door to find him there on the tile floor when I turn on the light. I blink my eyes to make sure I'm not hallucinating from lack of sleep. "Tatsuha-kun? What are you doing here?"

I can't breathe.  
He gets up and he seriously looks at me. I close the door as he stands in front of me while dangling some keys in front of me. "Complements to Tohma-san."  
"Why are you _here_?" I put down my bag and it thumps to the ground like a dead-weight.

"I didn't know why I always felt like I had to find you, Ryuichi-sama. I wanted everything that you ever made and I went to great lengths to get all these special edition items. But in the back of my mind, this image came back to me." He looked from side to side, not knowing where to start or to finish. "Then, when you left, my brother hit me upside the head and said, 'Haven't you made him wait long enough?'"

"What are you talking about?" I told him.  
"You used to say how that cool singer gave you something you'd treasure for the rest of your life. Then, you forgot what that singer looked like when you were growing up, but gave me the item for safekeeping. I don't know what you promised, but I've kept this long enough, haven't I?"

He goes and holds up this thing called Kumagorou.

"I take it into my hands as he gives me a plane ticket with it. Leaning on his car while, taking out a cigarette, I ask, 'Why did you only tell me now?! After all I've done all these years?! I ALREADY MET MY RYUICHI-SAMA?!'  
"He shrugs his shoulders. 'It was fun to make you squirm. I'm your brother. Expected less from me?'  
"I hugged him and ran to the airport. I tried to remember as much as I could throughout that whole time. Then, I waited for you here."

When he looks at me again, I begin to shake. My lips tremble as I am about to sob. I feel all the tears coming out before they do through my eyes.

He remembered. You remembered…

Tatsuha says with a big grin on his face, "Hold out your hands."  
I hold out my palms to him.  
"I give this back to you. I don't need it anymore."

The tears fall continuously as I look at him with no words coming to my mouth. I can never tell the things I want to when they're the most important. I always hate myself for it.

"I can't believed you remembered." I lean my head on his shoulder as he hugs me.

For all the broken dreams and the ones that were caught,  
For all the tears and joys,  
For all the times that I hated and loved myself,  
For all the times that I couldn't get up and move on,  
For all the things I have,  
For all the things I couldn't keep…

If all of that was for this one moment in time…

Thank you to whomever was listening to my lonely prayers.

I would do it all over again. For this one moment.

I laugh while pounding lightly on his chest.

From the bottom of my heart, I haven't laughed like that for so long.

I always held my breath waiting until things fell apart when I couldn't repair them anymore. Because whenever I got something, I had to give it away too. And it got more and more painful each time.  
Going up the charts, the more I was aware of the limitless possibilities, but also of how isolated I was from that place I was put on. From the place I knew I wanted to be, but didn't know how hard it would be to keep up and live in.

He holds my shoulders and pushes me away so that he can look straight into my eyes with a determination that parallels mine when I perform.

"I've grown up, Ryuichi-san. And I'm going after the dream that you told me to go after. I remember the dinner party with Tohma, I see your face as we're at the zoo. I thought surely you had forgotten, but that look in your eyes always made me hope."

"You baka…why'd you make me wait so long?"

From the ashes of broken themes and dreams,  
Something wonderful was created.  
Something I didn't ever imagine.

Something that would truly become mine forever.  
**  
Owari. / The End.**

**Author's note: **Don't ask me where this came from. I was inspired to do Ryuichi again after watching the part where Kappei sings Sleepless Beauty in ep 2. Then, I just typed away. This is the product of that inspiration.  
I hoped you liked it. For a long time, I haven't cried while making a fic. This one made me cry. A lot.

Thank you for always reading. This is dedicated to the Gravi fans, especially to bakayaro onna-san.

Love always,  
Yui  
**  
November 26, 2004, 12:43 AM  
**


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